As The KLF, Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty notoriously pulled a lot of artistic and creative stunts on an unsuspecting public and record industry. There was defacement of billboards, cryptic advertisements, manic performances on Top of the Pops, a Brit Awards performance where they fired machine gun blanks into the audience and dumped a dead sheep at the aftershow party, deletion of their entire back catalogue and let’s not forget burning a million quid.
One of the most interesting things the duo did, for me, was writing a book called The Manual: How to Have a Number One the Easy Way in 1988 following the duo’s number one with “Doctorin’ the Tardis” as the Timelords. The book is full of no-bullshit information on how to get yourself to the number one spot in the UK charts. Taking in advice from starting out..
“Firstly, you must be skint and on the dole. Anybody with a proper job or tied up with full time education will not have the time to devote to see it through… Being on the dole gives you a clearer perspective on how much of society is run… having no money sharpens the wits. Forces you never to make the wrong decision. There is no safety net to catch you when you fall…If you are already a musician stop playing your instrument. Even better, sell the junk.”
…to studio booking and appealing to the lowest common denominator..
(“Doctor Who, hey Doctor Who
Doctor Who, in the Tardis
Doctor Who, hey Doctor Who
Doctor Who, Doc, Doctor Who
Doctor Who, Doc, Doctor Who”Gibberish of course, but every lad in the country under a certain age
related instinctively to what it was about. The ones slightly older
needed a couple of pints inside them to clear away the mind debris
left by the passing years before it made sense. As for girls and our
chorus, we think they must have seen it as pure crap. A fact that must
have limited to zero our chances of staying at The Top for more than
one week.”)
.. to finding an irresistible dance floor groove and most importantly, applying the golden rules of pop to your songs…
In this day and age no song with a BPM over 135 will ever have a
chance of getting to Number One. The vast majority of regular club
goers will not be able to dance to it and still look cool. The vast
majority of indie bands, however large their cult following is, who
play what various music journalists often describe as “perfect,
classic pop” will never see the inside of the Top Five for one reason
alone: they perform all their songs above the 135 BPM ceiling. Their
love traumas and balls of confusion of hate and bile all rush by at
some immeasurable blur of a BPM.
It’s a fascinating read. The book is now out of print but is up in its entirety at this KLF site. Recently, Justin from Undersea Community alerted me, to a Philip Sherbune interview with the Klaxons where the band member Jamie Reynolds admitted he took everything he knew from The Manual.
“I literally read that book and put it into practice,” said Reynolds when I talked to him. “I took direct instructions from it, if you like. Get yourself a studio, get a groove going, sing some absolute nonsense over the top, but a breakbeat behind, it and you’re away! That’s what I did! That’s genuinely it. I read that, I noted down the golden rules of pop, and applied that to what we’re doing and made sure that that always applies to everything we do. That way, we always come out with a sort of catchy hit number.” You wonder why more people don’t do it, I said, and he agreed. “This is it! It depends whether or not you want to be a pop band, we said we wanted to be a subversive pop, and for our structure, I’m following the golden rules every step of the way.”
It would explain a lot! Anyway, budding pop number one artists, your time is now.
Niall Byrne is the founder of the most-influential Irish music site Nialler9, where he has been writing about music since 2005 . He is the co-host of the Nialler9 Podcast and has written for the Irish Times, Irish Independent, Cara Magazine, Sunday Times, Totally Dublin, Red Bull and more. Niall is a DJ, founder of Lumo Club, club promoter, event curator and producer of gigs, listening parties & events in Dublin.
I do miss them .
(btw: thanks for all the music links in your blog!)
I do miss them .
(btw: thanks for all the music links in your blog!)
I do miss them .
(btw: thanks for all the music links in your blog!)
A good read it seems. Betcha Roisin Ingle’s read it. She’s so cool. She was hanging out with Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois for fork’s sake! LOL!
A good read it seems. Betcha Roisin Ingle’s read it. She’s so cool. She was hanging out with Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois for fork’s sake! LOL!
A good read it seems. Betcha Roisin Ingle’s read it. She’s so cool. She was hanging out with Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois for fork’s sake! LOL!
surely golden scans breaks the 135bpm rule….or flirts dangerously with breaking it.
probably why it was never number 1 etc.
surely golden scans breaks the 135bpm rule….or flirts dangerously with breaking it.
probably why it was never number 1 etc.
surely golden scans breaks the 135bpm rule….or flirts dangerously with breaking it.
probably why it was never number 1 etc.
Hence the number 7 chart position 😉
Hence the number 7 chart position 😉
I read that book recently. It is fascinating, and you could see how it would once have been really useful, but it is a relic of a bygone age where people bought singles and watched Top Of The Pops.
I think the most famous act that put The Manual into practice were Edelweiss, who had a monster hit all over Europe with ‘Bring Me Edelweiss’.
I read that book recently. It is fascinating, and you could see how it would once have been really useful, but it is a relic of a bygone age where people bought singles and watched Top Of The Pops.
I think the most famous act that put The Manual into practice were Edelweiss, who had a monster hit all over Europe with ‘Bring Me Edelweiss’.
[quote post=”504″]but it is a relic of a bygone age where people bought singles and watched Top Of The Pops.[/quote]
well top of the pops is dead, sure. but didnt radiohead say they were finished with the album format? and didn’t my ex teen-heart-throb band (and everyone else’s nightmare/completely non-authoritative voice in industry trends) Ash say they’re just doin singles? shudder the prospect of the death of the album and a return to crappy singles with their crappy b-sides. my personal “fave” crappy b-side “Holy Joe” off U2’s epic pile of dogshit “discotheque”. any further suggestions appreciated…
[quote post=”504″]but it is a relic of a bygone age where people bought singles and watched Top Of The Pops.[/quote]
well top of the pops is dead, sure. but didnt radiohead say they were finished with the album format? and didn’t my ex teen-heart-throb band (and everyone else’s nightmare/completely non-authoritative voice in industry trends) Ash say they’re just doin singles? shudder the prospect of the death of the album and a return to crappy singles with their crappy b-sides. my personal “fave” crappy b-side “Holy Joe” off U2’s epic pile of dogshit “discotheque”. any further suggestions appreciated…
KLF btw; fuckin leg ends
KLF btw; fuckin leg ends
I also highly recommend reading Drummond’s semi-autobiograhical book “45”, in which he tells the stories behind everything from writing the pop hit manual to trying to string some poor cows – dead ones, obviously – from a pylon. Also, less than surprisingly, he turns out to be a rather weird bloke. Which is all the more reason to read the book.
I also highly recommend reading Drummond’s semi-autobiograhical book “45”, in which he tells the stories behind everything from writing the pop hit manual to trying to string some poor cows – dead ones, obviously – from a pylon. Also, less than surprisingly, he turns out to be a rather weird bloke. Which is all the more reason to read the book.
the manual is a great read alright – couldn’t put it down (well, i was reading it from my computer screen so couldn’t put it up either) when I started reading it. The commentary and cyncism in it are razor sharp.
Its crazy to think that he (Drummond) was in a band years ago with Ian Broudie, yer man from Frankie goes to Hollywood and members of the teardrop explodesand the banshees…all in the same band before they all made it big(ish).
the manual is a great read alright – couldn’t put it down (well, i was reading it from my computer screen so couldn’t put it up either) when I started reading it. The commentary and cyncism in it are razor sharp.
Its crazy to think that he (Drummond) was in a band years ago with Ian Broudie, yer man from Frankie goes to Hollywood and members of the teardrop explodesand the banshees…all in the same band before they all made it big(ish).
ah, the Manual… an excellent read alright… i wish i had of put it into practice years ago! well, i have learned a lot from it and would say that it is all still relevant. i have the 1998 edition of the book myself, the original 1988 version is worth a mint now.
for more of what mr. drummond is up to these days check out…
http://www.penkiln-burn.com/
and i think he still makes soup for people!
ah, the Manual… an excellent read alright… i wish i had of put it into practice years ago! well, i have learned a lot from it and would say that it is all still relevant. i have the 1998 edition of the book myself, the original 1988 version is worth a mint now.
for more of what mr. drummond is up to these days check out…
http://www.penkiln-burn.com/
and i think he still makes soup for people!
ah, the Manual… an excellent read alright… i wish i had of put it into practice years ago! well, i have learned a lot from it and would say that it is all still relevant. i have the 1998 edition of the book myself, the original 1988 version is worth a mint now.
for more of what mr. drummond is up to these days check out…
http://www.penkiln-burn.com/
and i think he still makes soup for people!